monogodo

I've been thinking about this story for a while now, and have decided to post it. In general, it's NSFW, but I'll try to use terms to make it safer...

I worked for Kinko's for about 9½ years. I started with them as a Key Op. A Key Op is a machine operator. After 9 months or so, I was 'promoted' to Shift Leader (later called Shift Manager). As Shift Leader, I transferred to a different store. A few months later, our region went from a management hierarchy of Store Manager>Assistant Manager>3-4 Shift Leaders to a hierarchy of Store Manager> 3-4 Assistant Managers. After a few months, I moved up to Assistant Manager. I did that for a year, but wasn't very good at it, so I transferred back to my original store as Production Specialist (Key Op). About 1½ years later, I applied for, and got, a position as Trainer. Here's where the story actually begins...

When a new trainer was hired, they were sent to training to be a trainer. Essentially it was teaching techniques to help us do our jobs properly. They held these training sessions 3 or 4 times a year in various places around the country. That January, the class was being held in Chicago. That spring it was held in Los Angeles, and during the summer they held it in Denver. I want to know what brainiac decided the locations. Chicago in winter? What the hell were they thinking? But I digress.

I flew up to Chicago on Delta via Atlanta (because if you're flying to Hell on Delta, you'll go through Atlanta). I arrived the night before the class was to start, and had made plans to be picked up by an old HS friend at the airport, and we'd hook up with his cousin and go to dinner before he dropped me off at the hotel downtown. So I got in rather late, but that was ok.

Training was good. There were about 100 people in the class, from all over the US. I was one of two people from Texas, and the only one from Dalals. I learned some good techniques, and met some good people.

In the evenings, after class, we'd go out in groups to dinner. The first night we went to a pizza place someone had heard of that was supposed to be the best Chicago-style pizza around. It sucked. The service sucked, too. Afterward, some of us went to the hotel bar to have a few beers and shoot the shit. I was sitting at a table with 3-4 other guys through most of the night. The total kept changing, because someone would leave, and someone else would join. At one point, the conversation ended up turning to joke telling. They started off innocent enough, but one by one, we'd push the envelope. Soon they turned racial. At this point, there were 4 of us: one guy each from Kentucky, New York, St. Louis, and myself. I told the best racial joke I know:

How does every black joke start?

No one guessed, so I gave the answer: I looked around.

New York and St. Louis laughed. Kentucky leaned in and said, "oooh, this is gonna be good."

We about died.

We ended up closing the bar down. I think it was 3am. We had class in the morning at 8:30.

Class the next morning sucked. I had a pounding headache, and I was dehydrated. For dinner that night, Kentucky & New York (who were roommates), St. Louis and my roommate (from Milwaukee) and I decided to go to a restaurant/bar across the street, because I wanted to play NTN at dinner. St. Louis ate and went back to the hotel, leaving the rest of us to talk and watch me play trivia (which I was kicking ass at).

At one point, a shot girl came by, giving samples of Grolsch to try to drum up sales. If we bought two bottles, we'd get a free t-shirt & flip-top key chain. New York & I liked the beer, so we did it. Grolsch Girl kept stopping by our table and chatting with us. We found out that she liked hanging with us because we treated her like a person, unlike the rest of the guys in the bar who treated her like a piece of meat.

Milwaukee (my roomie), who was married, paid his tab and went to the hotel. Grolsch Girl then joined New York, Kentucky & me and had dinner. KY was married, NY & I were single. We could tell she was interested in us, as we were in her, but neither was willing to give way to the other. At one point, while Kentucky was in the restroom, she said she liked guys from out of town, because she could sleep with them, and not have to worry about them calling her again. I responded with, "I'm from Dallas." NY added, "I'm from New York." But she didn't respond.

When she got up to use the restroom, NY and I started to talk about how we could work this out. Both of us were willing to share her, if she was willing to be shared. The problem was we had different roommates, and our roommates were married. NY & KY couldn't see a solution. I could. I'd give my key to KY, who'd get his things and sleep in my room. NY, Grolsch Girl & I would then go back to his room. Perfect solution. Not to NY & KY. They said it'd never work.

When she got back, KY said goodnight and left, ending any chance of a hook up for NY & me.

Grolsch Girl went on to tell us stories about herself.

She once brought a guy home with her who got up in the middle of the night, walked naked into her roommate's bedroom, opened the closet door, and peed. Her roommate and roommate's boyfriend were scared shitless. The next morning, Grolsch Girl hustled the freak out of the apartment before her roommate awoke. At breakfast, they asked her who the weird guy was.

She also told us that she liked giving head, so long as the guy warned her at the appropriate moment. One guy apparently didn't warn her, and she wasn't prepared for it. As she said, "you know how, when you're drinking milk, and someone tells a joke, and it comes out your nose? Yeah. It burned."

We ended up walking her to her car, and headed off to the hotel. NY said, "well, we may not have gotten laid, but at least we'll have a good story to tell."