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12.13.2004 

Retail Stories

Back when I first moved to Dallas, I went to work at a sporting goods store (which no longer exists) as a bike builder. My brother worked there in the bicycle department, and convinced the manager to hire me, even though I was living in Los Angeles at the time, but that's another story for another time. After a while, they gave me more and more responsibility, so that I was no longer just a bike builder, I was also a mechanic and salesman. One day, while covering the Shoe department, the phone rang, so I answered it:
me: Thank you for calling Athletic Supply, how may I help you?
caller: May I speak with John?
me: John is off today, may I take a message, or can someone else help you?
caller: How about Tanna?
me: Tanna is at lunch, may I take a message, or can someone else help you?
caller: Is Bill in?
me: Bill is on vacation, may I take a message, or can someone else help you?
caller: What about Jim?
me: Jim is also off today, may I take a message, or can someone else help you?
caller: Is Eric available?
me: Eric is on vacation, may I take a message, or can someone else help you?
caller: Please tell me George is there.
me: George is at lunch, may I take a message, or can someone else help you?
caller: Well Jesus Christ!
me: I'm sorry, sir, he's no longer with us.
caller: What?!?!
me: I'm sorry, it was a joke.
caller (figuring out what I'd said): That's pretty funny, who did you say was at lunch?

Another time, it was my turn to be greeter. We had a display platform near the entrance that was a carpeted wooden box about 3' high. We were in the process of changing displays, so it was empty at the time. Two businessmen came in during their lunch hour, and as they passed through the loss prevention sensors, one of their parking cards set off the machine.

me (gesturing towards empty display platform): Excuse me, sir, I need to have you empty your pockets on the counter here.
guy 1 ( as guy 2 empties his pockets on the box): What's going on?
me: We're looking for weapons.
guys 1 & 2 (together): Really?
me (as guy 2 removes his parking card from his coat pocket): No, it's your
parking card. It set off the machine.
guy 1 begins laughing
guy 2 (continues emptying his pockets): huh?
me: I'm sorry, sir, it was a joke, we're not looking for weapons, it was
your parking card.
guy 1: That's funny, he got you good!


I'm kinda surprised that I never got in trouble for either of these.

11:00 AM | | 0 comments |

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