Playing God
Back when I first went to college, a couple of friends and I climbed up on the roof of a dorm building one night. We were about 100 yards from the campus police station, but weren't worried because there was a large spotlight on the dorm roof shining down in the direction of the cop shop on the path between the library bridge and the student center (Ham Center). I can speak in this deep, authoritative voice, so we decided it'd be fun to pretend we were God talking to the students walking down the path. I didn't know many of the other students on campus, but my friends did, so they'd feed me information as I'd talk to people. Most people would look around for where we were, or would ask questions. At one point, a guy was walking from the bridge to the student center. I said, "You, with the backpack, are you going to Ham Center? Are you going to play pool?" He looked around for where I was, confused, and asked who was talking to him. I replied, "I am God! I am everywhere, I am everything. I am the bike rack, I am in your knapsack, I AM THE POOL CUE!!!" He took off running. Later, the local stoner walked into the dorm quad, and I told him he was doing too many drugs. He said, "not yet, I'm not." Some women came by and talked back to us. They wanted to know who we were, so I told them I was God, and my friends were St. Peter and Moses. They asked us for a sign, so "St. Peter" lit a smoke bomb and threw it into a bush below us. When it started to smoke, the women started yelling at us to quit playing around, that we'd started a fire. "St. Peter" quickly told me to tell them that it's the burning bush I did for Moses. So I said, "No! Do not be alarmed! The bush is safe, no harm will come to it. It's the Burning Bush!" Later, another guy was walking from the bridge to the building we were on, and I started talking to him before my friends could see who he was: "Hello there. I can't quite make out who you are. Oh, it's Merle, Merrrle, almost didn't recognize you. Haven't been to church lately, have you Merle?"
At the time it was really funny.
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